Thursday, May 3, 2012

Establishing My Reputation

I’ve always heard that your first year of teaching is the hardest. One thing that can make or break you as a new teacher, or as a teacher at a new school, is establishing a reputation quickly. If word gets around that you’re a pushover, then the slackers will come flocking to you. Similarly, if you scare everyone, then you’ll be left with only the students who waited until the last possible minute to register, a.k.a. the other slackers. (In reality, there’s no way to avoid having mostly a class of slackers. This they do not tell you when you first enter the profession.)

Last fall, I was about two months into my first full-time teaching job. Things were chaotic, but I felt I had a handle on the semester. Kind of.  I mean, I still didn’t know where anything was, suffered from perpetual anxiety about forgotten deadlines, and hardly knew any of my students’ names. But outside of that, everything was going along swimmingly.

One Monday I woke up feeling queasy. I didn’t want to call out and figured I’d feel fine once I got to work. I packed some granola and yogurt for breakfast, which I ate at my desk while preparing my lesson. Partway through my lecture half an hour later, I took a turn for the worse. A burning sensation grew in my stomach. Should I let the class go early and head home? No! Well, maybe yes. But no, I was a tough, no-nonsense teacher. I would not give into a puny stomach virus, no matter how much it felt like I’d swallowed battery acid!

That particular lesson was divided so that the first twenty minutes of class were devoted to lecture, and the second half was devoted to an in-class activity. Once I made it through the lecture I knew I’d be ok. I was definitely leaving work as soon as this class was done, but I had not caved!

Just as that thought ran through my head, a student motioned me to the back of the classroom to ask a question. I was in the middle of my reply when something broke. No, this could not be—oh, oh, it was happening! But not here.

I slapped my hand over my mouth mid-sentence. The student looked confused, then horrified as I ran out of the classroom. The door had barely closed behind me when I vomited in the hallway. A student who was sitting on a bench nearby leaped away just in time to avoid being splattered, and another who was walking by screamed and began running. I raced to the bathroom where I was sick again. Had I even eaten this much for breakfast? How could half a cup of yogurt turn into all of this? And why was it not ending?!

When I recovered myself, I realize that I had hit my shoes and from my knees down on my pants. What should I do? I couldn’t just leave. Standing before the bathroom mirror, I mopped myself up as best I could with cheap paper towels, which really only worsened the effect by leaving bits of off-white paper on my black (and puke-colored) pants. As I was rinsing my shoe in the sink, a student came in. “Oh! Whoa!” She stared at me. “What happen—did you…?” She looked at my pants leg, which despite my dizzy efforts had bits of regurgitated granola stuck to the cuff. The girl looked at me in horror. “You-you did this! You did THIS?! Oh! Oh!”

Yes, I thought to myself, I needed you to clarify that I did this because I somehow didn’t notice when it happened…

I steadied myself and walked back to the classroom, where I tried to act composed as I tucked myself behind the podium and calmly, coolly announced, “I am going to have to leave for the rest of the day. You’re welcome to stay put and keep working, or you can leave early. If you need me, contact me via e-mail.”

The students stared, open-mouthed, but I turned on my heel as though nothing had happened. Just as calmly, I walked into my boss’ office and informed her that I was not well and was leaving early. She, too, stared. “Oh, and a custodian is needed outside P-605. And in the bathroom near 605.” As I left her office, I realized that I badly needed to wash my hair.

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