Cleaning the Couch

One of my cats, Jack, urinated on our couch as soon as we moved into our apartment. Try as we might, we were never able to get the smell of cat urine out of the cushions. Over Christmas break, I asked my sister, Kelly, to help me try to clean the couch cushions by washing them in the shower since they would not fit in our washing machine. That part was ok, but drying the cushions was another matter since they did not fit in our dryer, either. The following is an exchange in which I was telling Kelli about this.

Me: I feel like an idiot over these couch cushions.

Kelli: They will dry. Eventually.

Me: I just hope they don't smell too weird by then.

Kelli: Maybe not—it was vinegar too!

Me: This is true. Vinegar and a little baking soda; I decided to “volcano” the stains out.

Kelli: I wish there was a video.

Me: There wasn't much to watch. I put a little water in the tub, sprinkled in the baking soda, and then added vinegar, but it was diluted so there was a quick fizz and then nothing.

Kelli: I am sad about this. I will envision a volcanic explosion of cleaning solution on the actual couch.

Me: Well, in an alternative universe...I added the vinegar and there was a monstrous bubbling, like a huge pot of water was boiling. The water turned bright green, and there were huge, churling waves.

Kelli: I like this couch cleaning. Fun times!

Me: I added the cushions one at a time to even louder, angrier roars. The bubbles were so strong that I could barely force the cushions into the tub! Bravely, Kelly leaned against my back, pushing me—and by extension, the cushions—into the roiling waves.

After half an hour of whirling and roaring, the water slowed to a simmer and we were able to rest. As the water calmed, we could see traces of stains begin seeping away from the cushions. Finally, the cushions were glistening white and the water had taken on a stained, yellowish hue.

Better?

Kelli: That at least got an actual laugh out loud.